Marriage by Faith
Dearest gentle reader, I apologize for my prolonged absence from my blog but I was busy falling in love and planning for the future with my fiancé in that time =). Lol, I know that this sounds arrogant, and Faith sometimes seems arrogant; however, it is like the more virtuous twin: confidence. For those on this faith journey, you know it takes a while to get here. Here in this place of strength through vulnerability. I am vulnerable on this blog so that someone reading this disabuses themselves of the deep-rooted need to be perfect on social media in order to define their social and public value.
Me, I always hoped that I would be married one day. That I would have a husband and children, my own family, a nice house, a large front yard, a big Alaskan Husky, a thriving career jet-setting around the world and all the stuff I saw on American TV. But, I recall that after one too many disappointments in love, I had to seriously sit and consider whether marriage was for me.
Yes, I said it. I’m honest. You know if you felt that pang of recognition, you thought it too! In fact, many women reading this felt or feel this same way, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. To be honest, Danielle Steele and Mills & Boon books ruined love and innocence for us. Love somehow became equated to the serendipitous meeting followed by a steamy romance, jetsetting with the childhood sweetheart, dating the great guy or girl from school or the gym or the hook-up from your friend who was SO sure you would get along with their friend, or the hottie you met at that party who got you a drink, and then like the movies, you couldn’t stop being at each other’s places, and so on and so forth; one million and one other scenarios.
You fed off the Honeymoon phase with the emotional highs, the erotic and the romance and then reality set in. You don’t want to live in the same place. Your families would never accept each other. You come from different worlds. You don’t have the money to sustain the lifestyle they are accustomed to. Your differences in opinion and politics became overwhelming. Your career goals and timelines are not aligned. He doesn’t want to have children and you do. She cheated on you. She has an addiction. He has a secret baby and baby mama that he never disclosed et cetera… When all is said and done, you say that you just wanted Love. Plain and simple. It’s all you ever wanted. But what kind of love did you want? And what kind of lover did you choose?
Love is far from simple. It is not made up of riches and kisses. The real thing contorts your heart into shapes you didn’t know were possible because of the self-sacrifice involved. You want to cuddle but sometimes strangle your lover. You want to speak gently to encourage but also scold when they are being difficult. You want to be their forever plus one but also have the space to pursue your individuality. You want to look good for them but also be appreciated even when you look messy. You want to cater to them but have them cater to you too without having to ask. You want to talk about anything with them but also be silent and have them read your mind when talking is a burden. You want to choose your OWN survival and success a million and one times, but you choose them and theirs, hoping it’s not foolish because maybe they will choose you every time too.
A priest once said to me “Marriage is giving your life in loving service of another person till death bids you to part ways.” If marriage is service, you need to have that heart-contorting love because it’s scary. You have no guarantees that they will love you like you love them for a lifetime. You can give no guarantees that are bankable that you will love them for life. Life could be a long time. But guess what, through faith in God, backed by YOUR actions, all of that is very possible.
I’m no expert on marriage because I’ve never been married but my chosen life partner told me I’m about to be. When I look at him or think about him, I think about how much fun we have together doing the simplest things and I realize how aligned we are so I guess my faith paid off because I have found the rest of the rib cage I belong to. We are of one tribe under God because God led me here not vanity or fear of loneliness. I am blessed by that fact everyday. My understanding of love may be more modest and rooted in reality than Mills and Boon books but my life is fuller, richer and bolder because of it.
I am happily engaged by faith and I declare that I will be happily married by faith. Ignore the crowds; one is a majority with God, so please, if you’re getting married, count your chickens before they hatch!
