7 love languages of God
Some say that romantic comedies as a genre have robbed us of the ability to recognize true love. Everything in romcoms seems so whimsical and perfect with grand gestures of sacrifice and public displays of affection. If we shower a person with just the right amount of physical touch, gifts, quality time, words of affirmation and acts of service, they will remain with us and love us forever. That could not be further from the truth though. Although these “love languages” too are beautiful ways of expressing love, love is messy and irrational. In fact, dare I say, stupid. It requires a lot of work. Who wants to do that work, really? God, I guess? But what about you? Are you willing to work for love?
You see, by virtue of being the creator of human beings, God designed the PhD program in enduring heartbreak and renewed love. A roller coaster of emotions that very few humans can withstand but for God’s grace. During the Easter Triduum, I feel the weight of this roller coaster most acutely. Usually, it begins with me watching The Passion of the Christ by Mel Gibson and it all goes down hill from there. First, hot tears at the pain Jesus endures; then anger at the Pharisees and Sadducees; guilt follows knowing that he went through all of that excruciating pain to save me from sin; and finally, at the ninth hour, when all is quiet, a deep sadness that Christ is gone. This beautiful self-sacrificing soul is gone. The resurrection is of course solace to me and us all but today I am not writing about solace, I am writing about the labour of love.
In my personal reflections, I have distilled seven not-often-thought-of ways, that God shows us true love and that we can show him true love. These seven ways, in my view, can also radically change your filial, platonic and romantic relationships. While it may not be easy for humans to give these to one another, I believe all things are possible through God’s grace.
Do not lord your power over the one you love — Christ is usually portrayed as a lean-muscled, lanky, middle-eastern man with a peaceful yet firm demeanour, but he was the son of God. The power he carried was not of this world. The devil knew that power and wanted Christ to use it. He tempted him but Christ refused. Christ could have conscripted armies of disciples to wage war against the devil there and then during his ministry, and he would have won, but he did not do so. Why? Because, a person should be inspired to love you and follow you just by you being you not through coercion, force, blackmail or threats. There is true love in knowing you have the power in your relationships but to use it would harm the other so you decline to do so, and take a more christ-like route.
Meet the one you love at their point of need— This is so much more than providing material possessions. “Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I thee: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk.” Peter showed so much love to a stranger in that moment. He imbued the lame man with strength and healing so he could walk. In many ways, it is harder to share your strength of spirit, healing words, forgiveness, quiet companionship, or prayers than to share physical wealth and sweet words, because these things take time and emotional depth. Are you giving what you have of yourself spiritually or do you believe silver and gold suffice? Reaching people where they are hurting the most and lifting them up with you, that is the labour of love.
Show courage in reconciling with the one you love rather than writing yourself off — In my house, we often say that the real sin of Judas was in despairing so deeply that the only way out he could see was to end his life. Peter also betrayed his friend, Jesus, but he atoned and actually spent the rest of his life doing so and spreading the gospel. Sometimes, we mess up so bad that we think it is not possible to be forgiven by the person we love. We forget they love us still. Do not allow yourself to choose the easiest way out because it is the least painful. Think instead of following the path of truth, even if it is more painful. Face your mistake head on, confess, apologize, atone, repent and love even deeper. Choose to do better going forward. Be ready to accept whatever the consequences are and do not try to control the other person. In so doing, many have saved their relationships and their souls.
Trust the one you love to make good decisions in your stead— As I watched Mary, the mother of Jesus, John and Mary Magdalene on TV walking with Jesus every step of the way during his passion, I thought to myself, who is in my inner circle? If I’m in such a bind, to whom would I entrust the care of the ones I love? “Woman, behold thy son” and to the disciple, “behold thy mother”. Christ knew that John could make good decisions for his household in his stead because John spent time getting to actually know Christ and his heart. Bring into your inner circle people that you know you can trust with others you love. These people often know how you think and what your wishes in a given situation would be, and this comes from being in a real relationship with you.
Find the one you love in the midst of noisy and crowded places— Back to romcoms, or rather romantic dramas. Have you ever seen the guy and girl share a look of togetherness when all the families are going crazy and fighting or when the war is underway? They somehow in those scenes seem to understand what they other is telepathically saying— a form of “I love you and you are not alone; we’ve got this.” Experiencing those moments with God and with our fellow human beings is one of the best feelings. You set aside the noisy crowded world and all you see is the one you love.
You don’t like everything about the one you love but you focus on what you do love and work on the rest. I think that’s enough said.
You stay loyal to the one you love to the end— Staying loyal to anyone in the midst of difficulty is a great act of faith. Faith being your hope that better days lie ahead and by actually working towards that goal and believing in it, it will become a reality. It is not magic. It takes human work. A friend said to me that human beings like to do what is convenient for them. Even believing in God is a convenience for some. He is good to me, therefore, I love him. Yes, true for some, but if that relationship is put the test, it will not stand as true. Why build a straw house so that when the wind blows, you are homeless? Relationships of convenience eventually become inconvenient. Relationships that overcome inconveniences become long-lasting. What is loyalty if not staying faithful till the end? There is a mutuality inherent in it. You are loyal to me as I am to you, otherwise, the relationship breaks down. But breaking down does not mean it cannot be restored. If there is true love, it can be.
Loving each other takes work. But what sweet labour when you see the bond that is created and the renewed human beings at the end of it. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
