Christ’s: A Love That Doesn’t Need to Be Kept
We are winding down for the year and there are so many accumulated emotions from 2021. Fatigue. Exhaustion. Nostalgia. Excitement. Gratitude. The list goes on. Me? I feel all of these, and fortunately, I took the time this past week to connect with myself and do an examen of sorts. At the start of the year, one of my prayer points was to feel and understand the person of Jesus Christ more. I love Christ innately because I belong to Him but He was the one person in the Holy Trinity that I felt most distant from. You know Christian lore is that each person has one person in the Trinity that they connect with the most. I really wanted to know Christ personally because from what I have heard and read; he could relate the most to my human experience. Think a divine best friend.
So, I set up a plan. I did catholic devotions to Christ in the hope of strengthening his presence around me but that didn’t seem to work. I listened for Christ in homilies and sermons but that didn’t work either. However, sometime in November, I started reading the New Testament, especially Jesus’ teachings more closely, and I realized He was closer to home than I thought. In everything Jesus did or said, He showed that He was the embodiment of love. The guy could not say no to someone in need who sought him in faith. Even to those who were undeserving, He healed and prayed for them. Yeah, He got upset every now and then because He was human but He abided with those He loved. If you have ever experienced an act of true love, then you have experienced the persona of Christ. I’m willing to bet that this past year, and the one before it, you needed a lot of love to survive. Think about it. What helped you survive? Was it love from another or self-love? Was it love from God or a human being? Did it last a long while or only a short while? Are you still experiencing it? Love helped you survive AND thrive!
Y’all know I love Love. Love is the most powerful energy source in the world. It emanates from Christ and it is generous. It gives without asking to receive just like He does. It is not a feeling, it is action. It is not a thing you are scared to lose because it cannot be kept or owned. Love moves freely, resting upon us at the time we need it most, sometimes staying, sometimes going to another, but it is always there.
This holiday season, I had a conversation with an aunty and she was on the subject of marriage, a favorite for Nigerian aunties as you know. After much back and forth about how men’s brains are wired differently from women’s in relationships and her proposition that we just need to “support” them, as if men are helpless creatures, she landed on her thesis: “Some women are just good at keeping men; the game is the game and you must learn how to play it.” If I got a dollar (or pound :) ) for every time I heard a woman say that, (and it’s not just our aunties or mothers but our peers as well!) I would be very rich! There is a deep rooted belief in popular culture that the love of men needs to kept at all costs so tactics should be employed to keep them from “stepping outside” the relationship. This. Proposition. IRKS. Me!
In my opinion, Christians would do well to run away from such a philosophy. It’s a fragile kind of love to live in fear of losing a relationship so much so you do everything irrational to keep it. It infantilizes men too much and absolves them and us of responsibility for our actions and fidelity in relationships. Instead, let us love as Christ did and not play into those gender norms. Remember Corinthians: Love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. It does not fail. This is Christ’s Love.
While you and others in your life may expect to keep a man, Christ doesn’t expect you to “keep” him. He loves anyone who is in search of him and wants to be close to him in spite of their brokenness. He doesn’t want to be kept any more than He wants to keep you. He wants to be shared with others in your life and to be able to share you with His Father. It’s a relationship of generosity but also of trust. Christ does not have the characteristic of duplicity or unfaithfulness such that we would live in fear of being discarded and therefore grasp even tighter to Him. There is no obsession with possession. His love is Agape.
I hope that as this year closes, you reflect on how you give and receive love in your life. I pray that the agape love of Christ fills and permeates you and others in your life so deeply that it positively transforms your relationships. Some closing personal advice: In 2022, realize that there is power in making space for people to be and to grow without possessing them. Your mantra: I no longer feel the need to make you be or do anything.
May Christ’s Peace and Love Be With You in 2022. Amen.
