Don’t Stand in Your Way
Villa Pisani, Il Labirinto
I’m tired of repeating cycles, aren’t you?
These “Beautiful Mistakes” per Adam Levine
Can’t life just be perfect?
No mistakes, no pain
No loss, just peace?
Why am I my worst enemy?
Standing in my own way
Hurling hateful insults at myself
I am fat, I am ugly
I am unloved and unlovable
No one cares about me
I am childless, I am orphaned
I am handicapped, unfit for work
I am different, therefore hated by the world
I am poor, doomed to fight for life itself
I am stupid, school is not for me
I am fundamentally alone in this world
Yes, I guess you’re right
I am tired of repeating cycles
I am tired of bad mental habits
I am tired of telling myself: today will be different!
Tomorrow, I will go back to do the same thing
I am tired of pouring into people
I am tired of being poured into
Sometimes, I just need silence
I want the voices in my head to stop
Stop calling me Fat and Ugly
Unlovable and Unloved
Orphaned and Childless
Hated and Alone
Poor and Stupid
JUST. STOP.
I wish I was free
Sigh, me too
I am tired of my idols
Of binging without satisfaction
Of the constant search for solace
I am depressed but people don’t like that word
They prefer euphemisms
That place
That state of mind
Feeling out of it
Or watered down like
It’s low-grade or slight
Why don’t you both let go?
Let go?
Yes! Let go!
Stop trying to seize control
The harder you try, the bigger the mistakes
Beautiful in the moment
A temporary balm to your wounded heart
Mistakes nonetheless because you awake
A day, a month, a year or years from now
Feeling like absolute shit
Nothing you try works
And the idols do not serve you
So, leave them.
And Do what?
Get out of His Way
Get out of Your Way
Let the Creator do what he does best
Fix the broken
Lift up the lowly in spirit
Let God Shine
Let HIM take center stage
How do I do that?
Scream.
Scream?
Scream
At the top of your lungs
Naked and Unafraid
Humble and Tired
Submit.
Say, Lord
I do not wish to lift a finger
Unless it is thy will
Jesus, you are the way, truth and life
I am tired of figuring it out
Begin to manifest truth in my life
Arm me with truths to shut out the devil
Spewing lies to me about who I am
Show me the way that I may never be lost again
Bring me into your life that I may have it in abundance
Both on this earth and in heaven
I hear you my child
I am glad you reached out
To survive this life I created
You must be fundamentally optimistic
I know every day is not happy
But there is good in every day
And better in the days ahead
My son has laid the way
A simple and peaceful life
You would do well to follow him
He is light when there is darkness
But I am in pain…
I know
When you are in pain
I am in pain
But we do not need to be in pain
Invite me in
Together we can build resilience and perspective
You need only ask
The blessings will come
But my way not yours
Break my cycle
Bring me peace
Bring me blessings
Give me confidence
Give me energy
Show me favor
I want your way
Not the highway
